Colton's Birth

During the 6 weeks of bed rest before Colton was born, I would have a lot of talks with him. I told him that he was a fighter. That the doctors who told us each week to prepare ourselves because he wasn’t going to survive were wrong. He would give me a little kick here, and a nudge there just to let me know that he was still okay.

The first time someone told us he had a chance of survival was a week before he was born. It was all going to depend on his size, they told us. Technology only allows so much. I was diagnosed with IUGR at 12 weeks of pregnancy. IUGR(Inter Uterine Growth Restriction) means that for reasons unknown, the baby doesn’t grow properly. We knew from an early ultrasound that Colton's growth started slowing down and his growth was behind about 4 weeks. As each week passed and he was measured, his growth continued to slow. I was put on bed rest to help keep my blood pressure down and give him the best blood flow possible.

When they finally admitted me in the hospital at 29 weeks, I was relieved. I knew it would be harder on my family with me gone, but after weeks of being told to prepare myself that he was going to die, it was nice to be in a place where I knew they could actually try to save my baby. I was able to get the steroid shots to help mature his lungs. After only 4 days in the hospital, they needed to take Colton by emergency c-section because my blood pressure was too high. He was born on May 15, 2009 at 29 weeks 6 days gestation. He weighed 1 lb 3 oz. (556 grams) and was 11 inches long. At 29 weeks he is the size of a 24 week baby. They held him up over the curtain to give me a peek and then they rushed him off. The NICU team yelled in the room with excitement that they were able to use the 2.5 ventilation tube instead of the 2.0 which is the smallest available. It seems a silly thing to be excited about, but we knew that if the tube didn’t fit because he was too small, there would be no chance at survival.

It wasn’t until the next day when I was able to see him. His size was a shock. He was so much smaller than I remembered at delivery. It was heartbreaking to see him crying, but hear no sound because of the ventilation tube in his throat. He had no fat. His skin was so thin we could almost see through it. And one of his eyes was still fused shut. I couldn’t believe that I had done this to my child. Why couldn’t I keep him inside longer, where he was safe and pain free. The guilt a mother feels when looking at her micro preemie is overwhelming. I tried to not blame myself, but it isn't easy to make a convincing argument when I am watching my baby fight for survival. However, I am grateful for the technology that allows us to save these precious babies. Without it, Colton wouldn't be here.